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Mom Talk

Just Start Somewhere…

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Well, We’re here folks. And by here I mean we are moved into our new residence for the moment. It’s a big ‘ol victorian by the beach. The beach part is super swell. The big and the ‘ol part, not so much. So far we have sunk waaaay more money and life energy into this place then we had planned, but I will spare you the gory details on that right now.

But like the title of this particular post suggests, I’m not going to start at the beginning of this particular part of my life story, I’m going to just start somewhere. Because sometimes, when life is being a real ass and you are constantly roaming the halls of your life between a  state of not knowing whether you are crippled by anxiety or you are too tired to move from depression, you just have to start freaking somewhere.

We have been in a state of flux for months now and nothing has had any sense of rhythm. This past week the days have just started to take some shape, thankfully. And the past two days have been particularly good.

And I have food to thank for that.

Food you say?

Yes, food. My old faithful, tasty friend.

In this new house, a house we plan to live in for about 3 years, we do not live alone. We live with my in-laws. And as a serious introvert this has been, and continues to be, way harder of an adjustment for me than I had expected. The kitchen, in particular, has been a sore spot.

After all, the kitchen has always been my space. my domain. The place I make the magic happen.

And even though I am the only person who cooks in said kitchen here, it still felt like I was cooking in someone else’s kitchen. Frankly, it still does…BUT!

Yesterday I decided to just start cooking. Just start making some shit. I dug my knives out of a moving box. I plunked the slow cooker on the counter. I scrubbed out the abandoned food processor.

And i just started cooking. Pot roast, bbq chicken, roasted potatoes, lemon garlic asparagus, a batch of our favorite granola bars.

It was real wild folks. The kitchen was a mess. But I felt great.

And today I decided to keep it going with a gluten-free, sweet potato basil pizza crust. Here’s how it all went down:

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I added one peeled sweet potato with 2/3 cup of oats and pulsed it until it was very fine…

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Then I added 1 egg, healthy pinch of kosher salt, and a handful of basil leaves

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Pulsed all of that together until it resembled a dough-ish consistency
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Made two mounds on a parchment cover cookie sheet and pressed them into crust shapes with a spoon and my hands
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Wondered how my toddler had gotten into a drawer so quickly…
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Pondered the possibility that my 5 year old may become the next Dundee “Shark Rider”
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baked the crusts in a 400 degree oven for about 25-30 minutes, until the top is dry to the touch. Remove from oven, let cool.

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Flip back onto the pan with the dry side facing down. Peel the parchment  gently off the top layer

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Brush with olive oil. or if you are like me and can’t find your pastry brush, rub some on with your (clean!) fingers. Bake for another 5-10 minutes to get it crispy.

The next step is to let the crust cool and then top with your favorite toppings. Bake until your cheese is melty (if you are using cheese) and your other toppings are warmed.

But guess what folks? These are for lunch tomorrow! Sooo…this is a part one post I guess. I’ll update with a pic of the toppings we used and how we liked it tomorrow night 🙂

Until then…Happy Friday, and a wishes for a happy weekend- full of good food, good company, and the gumption to shove aside the naysayers that may live in your head, or in your house, and just start somewhere. 

P.s tonight is a new moon! Don’t forget to set your intentions and let the universe know what you intend to do in this upcoming month.

Epiphanies

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Last night I had a total epiphany when it came to my life work. So of course I stayed up way to late brainstorming.

Now I’m up way too early with my very dear friend, coffee. I’d like to leave this quote here for you all-it was what I had been meditating on for the past few days and what was on my mind when I had a totally awesome, cloud-split moment.

Wishing you a happy and inspired Wednesday.

“What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of a difference you want to make” – Dr. Jane Goodall

Changes

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These past weeks have seen many shifts and changes. All week I was in a serious haze of confusion. All day Thursday I INSISTED it was Friday. And all day Tuesday I swore it was Wednesday. It was one of those folks.

And it’s really no surprise. In a few short weeks some big things have happened. Our youngest babe turned one. We made official plans for our big move in October-we are beach bound folks. I made some decisions about my small businesses and together with my husband carved out a way to work two days a week on these ventures. [Read more…] about Changes

Slow Your Roll: Reducing Overstimulation and Helping Kids Learn to Just ‘Be’

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As a new parent I seemed to constantly hear about the importance of making sure your child was surrounded by stimulation-bright colors, patterns, ect.in order to help their development. And while I totally agree with creating this type of stimulating environment for children, lately I have been thinking about the importance of, well, ‘under-stimulating.’

Kids today (I sound like an old person, these kids today!) are bombarded with stimulation-all day long. When I was a kid, many, many, years ago, their was a focus on teaching children to multi-task. But today our children, as well as ourselves, live in a world that puts us in a constant state of multi-tasking where we are almost always doing too many things at once. (try to think about the last time you did one thing as an isolated task…)

While multi-tasking is still considered a skill in many circles, especially in business, research shows that when people continuously multi-task they are essentially making more work for themselves in the long run. Why? Because while multi-tasking does allow people to get more things done in a shorter amount of time, it also causes each individual task to suffer because the tasks are not done properly.

Your brain is a powerful machine, but it does need focus to make it work to its best ability. Here’s a snippit from an article from Harvard Health Publications about the Hazards of Multi-tasking:

The hazards of multitasking

Many people take pride in how well they multitask. But new research suggests some big downsides to it.

I spoke with Dr. Paul Hammerness and Margaret Moore, authors of Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life, a new book from Harvard Health Publications. They said that multitasking increases the chances of making mistakes and missing important information and cues. Multitaskers are also less likely to retain information in working memory, which can hinder problem solving and creativity.

Instead of trying to do several things at once—and often none of them well—Hammerness and Moore suggest what they call set shifting. This means consciously and completely shifting your attention from one task to the next, and focusing on the task at hand. Giving your full attention to what you are doing will help you do it better, with more creativity and fewer mistakes or missed connections. Set shifting is a sign of brain fitness and agility, say the authors.

I recently started reading a book by Goldie Hawn called, 10 Mindful Minutes, which focuses on teaching ourselves, and our children to, well, focus. (I still can only picture her in the movie Overboard while I’m reading the book, but that just seems to add another fun layer to the book as I read…) I’ll post a full review when I’m finished with the book, but so far, so good.

Following these insights, I took a good look at my son’s play area. WOW. Just a complete explosion of toys and stimulation. Now, his play room has always been organized, but before I started thinking about mellowing it out, it was more like organized chaos. Using the concepts of Reggio Emila, which stresses the importance of environment as an important ‘teacher’ for children, I re-organized my son’s play room and toys using these basic ideas:

  1. let as much natural light into the room as possible
  2. organize toys into groups: toys that always stay out, toys that go into rotation (store toys that are out of rotation in a “toy library” AKA, a bin of any kind out of the play area), and toys that are for supervised play only. Rotating toys not only clears the chaos, it also allows the toys to seem new again to your kids.
  3. make the space ‘his.’ There should be bright colors, things at his level, his own art work around the space. This tells children it is their space to learn, grow, and create in a safe environment.
  4. Create different ‘zones’. Our play room is not huge by any means, but I managed to create a space set aside for reading and relaxing by placing a soft blanket and a few pillows on the floor next to a basket of books.

Honestly, I can see a difference in the way my son is playing. He seems less frustrated, plays with things for longer, and has a bit more focus on the task at hand. He even sits in his reading ‘nook’ and ‘reads’ his picture books to himself. Sometimes he reads them out loud, which is so cute I want to vomit.

I think adults could really benefit from focusing on single tasking as well. I am making a conscious effort to focus throughout the day. Sure, I still find myself pushing a stroller, sending an email from my phone, and mentally making a grocery list at the same time now and then, it happens. But, I have found that simply thinking about slowing down has made me start to actually slow down.

Here are some inspirations based on Reggio Emilia- inspired spaces:

Space to Create
Reading nook

Closet for Lil’ Critters
From inspired Space for Young Chidren
From Architecture of Early Childhood

Have fun! And don’t forget to stop by Friday for our first Lil’ First Friday to check out November’s featured artist 🙂

Something Beautiful to Ponder…

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“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”

― Kahlil Gibran

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“Hello? Is There Anybody out There?”: Creating Better Postpartum Assistance Programs

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During my pregnancy one of the most common sights I saw at every one of my obgyn visits, (which seem like 100’s, right?) were signs informing me about postpartum depression. On posters, flyers, even videos in the waiting room, “Are you sad all the time, cry constantly, feel unable to care for your child, feeling disconnected? You may be suffering from postpartum depression.” Followed by what I would learn to be a big, fat, load of stinking lies, “if you suffer from these feelings there is help available.”

In order to really help women in this situation two things need to happen here. First, more information needs to be given to women that is specific to them and their risks for postpartum. Some women are more likely than others to develop postpartum depression. Increased risk factors include:
1. a previous history of depression or anxiety
2. a history of severe PMS or premenstrual dysphoric disorder
3. medical complications for you or your baby
4. relationship difficulties
5. lack of support from family or friends

The first three of these fit my situation to a tee. Not ONE person discussed my increased risk with me before I left the hospital after delivery. And they had plenty of time-I was in there for five days.

Second, REAL, not imaginary, unreachable help, needs to be available to women, 24 hours a day. This might sound idealistic, but it’s not. It’s absolutely necessary.

For me, postpartum came on a few weeks after I came home from the hospital. My symptoms were pretty text book: Worrying about hurting your baby,Lack of concern for yourself,Loss of pleasure,Lack of energy and motivation,Feelings of worthlessness and guilt,Changes in appetite or weight,Thoughts of suicide- but I still tried to fight the fact that it was happening- it felt like failure.

Then the day came when I knew I needed help. I was in ikea picking up some bedding ( my husband was watching our son at home) and I bought a small red dog for my son- super cute, pull the tail and it plays music. I walked out to my car, got in the drivers seat and while looking at the dog I started thinking about christmas and birthdays and presents for my son and then- I started balling my eyes out. What the hell. At the time I had no idea why I was crying. Looking back I know why: In my head I honestly believed that I wasn’t going to be around for those moments. I didn’t think I would make it out of the tunnel of postpartum.

I called my husband and somehow I drove home. We decided together that I should call the much advertised ‘Postpartum help hotline.’ Get ready for the EPIC FAIL coming up. After sitting with the phone in my hand for 20 minutes I got the guts to call. I was kindly rewarded for my efforts with this: a fumbling male voice with no understanding of what postpartum depression or anxiety even was-literally. I had to, in my state, tell him what post pardum was, twice, before I was placed on hold for about five solid minutes (See how well this is going?) He eventually came back to the phone and told me I should probably drive myself to the crisis center that is connected to the hospital, he gave me the address, And I was off.

During my drive I imagined that I was going to a crisis center for women who were in a similar situation to my own. When I got to the door I said to myself, “oh, this crisis center.” Unfortunately, the hotline had sent me to the hospital’s regular mental health crisis center. All I have to say is that for the first time I was thankful that I had, in my youth, experienced times where I had been here before. Lets just say I’m not a stranger to the struggle of having a mental health disorder- but this was different. Now I had a tiny human depending on me. Inside they took my phone, my purse, and my ID. I can’t Imagine the fear of a woman in the grips of postpartum depression who had never seen a crisis center being thrown into this situation.

I sat there for a few minutes staring at a form then promptly retrieved my things from Mr. Intimidating at the desk and got the hell out of there right quick. Something just didn’t feel right- it wasn’t the kind of help I needed. I went home, slept, and called my obgyn in the morning. I reluctantly agreed to start a low dose anti-depressant but I knew what I really wanted was therapy to work through it. And now for the the final snafu: I called all four of the treatment facilities (all of these place were listed on those post-pardum info advertisements as well) to make an appointment with a therapist. They asked me when I wanted to come in. I said as soon as possible, obviously. “our earliest opening is in two months.” How’s that now? Come again? That’s right folks, TWO MONTHS. I called more therapists, getting similar wait times, along with a bunch more therapists who were not in my insurance network. DONE.

My recovery took about 6 months. A combination of medication and self-help methods, along with an incredibly supportive husband got me back on my feet and loving life again. But what about other women who experience this and aren’t so lucky? I think of them often and know there has to be a better way to provide postpartum assistance to women.

I’m currently researching viable ways to create volunteer-based postpartum hotlines and crisis care in ALL hospitals that provide maternity services. This is possible- it is also necessary. With the increasing pressures on new mothers to be some ridiculous version of a super mom, the rates of postpartum depression and anxiety are likely to increase. Currently, the CDC reports that 1 in 8 women will suffer from some form of postpartum depression. What about the women who don’t report?

I think the number is likely closer to 1 in 5. And these women need more than a fumbling, uninformed, phone operator to rely on in their time of need.

Find more info on Postpartum depression, as well as help and tools for mom HERE.

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